"Mindfulness" Techniques for Caregivers

My mother, Judy, and me when she lived in a nursing homeWhen I started caring for my mother, Judy, nine years ago, I never paid attention to “mindfulness” practices (such as meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises) to reduce stress. Mom was living with the early stages of dementia, and as a “sandwich generation” caregiver with a young family and a job, I let my own health and well-being take a back seat. I would develop bronchitis at the drop of a hat, started to have panic attacks, gained weight, and developed food sensitivities. Like many adult children caring for an aging parent, I thought I could be all things to all people—if I just tried hard enough.

In today's post for caregivers.com, I review the book "Mindfulness-based Elder Care: A CAM Model for Frail Elders and Their Caregivers," by Lucia McBee, LCSW, MPH, who has over 25 years of experience as a geriatric social worker and mindfulness-based stress reduction practitioner.

“The essential practice of mindfulness,” McBee writes, “involves being present in each moment.” Working toward compassion for ourselves and others, and letting go of judgment and self-judgment, are also important parts of “mindfulness.” This compassion for ourselves as caregivers is especially important, as we often feel as if we “are not doing enough or not doing it correctly.”

If you feel over-stretched as a caregiver, I recommend this book (although it is priced a bit high; perhaps your library could order it). If you are a paid caregiver or a staff member in an elder care facility, this book will help you encorporate mindfulness practices into your work with elders.The book also includes exercises that can be done by people who are living with dementia, from the early stages to advanced dementia.

To read more about "Mindfulness-based Elder Care" and Lucia McBee, read the review here.

The Quest for a Good Night's Sleep: Tips for Caregivers

One of the hardest things for a caregiver is to feel well rested. Stress, anxiety, long hours of personal care and housework, emergency trips to the E.R., a loved one who wanders around the house at night--so much intrudes on a good night's sleep.

Lately I've watched a number of caregivers in my favorite Facebook groups (such as Senior Caregivers) fall seriously ill and end up in the hospital. I know that, like many caregivers, they were exhausted, barely making it through the day. Sleep deprivation is an epidemic among caregivers, but it shouldn't be so. Why must we be martyrs and sacrifice our own health in this way?

Besides calling for more public funding for caregiver support (free respite services and caregiver counseling, in particular), all I can do is offer a few tips for ways to get more sleep if you're a caregiver. My post today on caregivers.com is called "Caring for the Caregiver: How to Get More Sleep." I wish I could do more for those of you who are stretched so thin. I hope that some of these 14 tips help you feel better.

Read the post here.

A First Stop for Caregiver Support: Your Office for the Aging

"Caregiver Support" by the Animated Woman (http://www.theanimatedwoman.com)When my mother moved in with me and my young family in 2005, I thought of myself as a daughter, not as a “caregiver,” and I had no idea I needed support. Fortunately, a neighbor of mine, who was a long-distance caregiver for her mother, told me about our county’s Office for the Aging, and recommended that I make an appointment with one of their counselors.

If this neighbor hadn’t told me about the Office for the Aging, I doubt I would have known they existed. Often, that’s how it goes when you become a caregiver—you don’t know where to turn for help, or even that you need help.

In this week's post for caregivers.com, I outline "7 Reasons to Call Your Office for the Aging" and give you a link to find your local office.

You can read more here.

Writing as Caregiver "Therapy"

When my mother, Judy, moved in with me and my husband and young children in 2005, I found myself writing for the first time since college--nothing polished, just my worries and frustrations with being a new caregiver, scribbled on pieces of my kids' scrap paper. I knew very little about either dementia or caregiving, but writing on those scraps of paper, and in a notebook on the bus on my way to work, helped me clear my head and focus on what was working for all of us and what wasn't.

After Mom moved into assisted living, then a rehab center, a "memory care" assisted living facility, and a nursing home, I found myself writing whenever there was a crisis (and there were many), and whenever I felt conflicted about my role as caregiver (and I felt a lot of conflict). As the years passed, I learned to see my time with Mom not as a duty but as a pleasure. As I learned to see her as still "Judy" and not a "shell of her former self," I continued writing about our time together, helping me to appreciate the many rewards of dementia caregiving.

My post this week for caregivers.com is called "3 Easy Ways for Caregivers to Relieve Stress Through Writing." If you are finding yourself pulled in too many directions by caregiving, sitting for a few minutes to write down your thoughts can help you "center" yourself--and remind yourself that YOUR needs are as important as those of the person you are caring for.

In this article I write about 3 types of writing:  in a journal, in a writing group, and online (in Facebook groups for caregivers and on blogs).

You can read my article here.

Another Book Review! : "Love in the Land of Dementia"

If you have dementia, or are caring for a family member or friend with dementia, there's a new memoir that I'm really excited about--a short, sweet read that will leave you feeling hopeful and inspired.

I believe that “Love in the Land of Dementia” by Deborah Shouse is truly one of the best memoirs out there by an adult child caring for a parent with dementia. Not only is Shouse a talented writer, but she shows us in simple but beautifully-wrought scenes how she came to discover small ways each day to enjoy her mother’s company despite her mother’s advancing dementia.

While her perspective is uplifting, Shouse doesn’t shy away from describing the more difficult moments of dementia caregiving, such as the guilt, despair, anger, and grief we often experience, and the challenges we face dealing with the elder care system.  She includes scenes in her mother’s assisted living facility and nursing home dementia ward, and with her mother’s hospice team, that many family caregivers, and elder care professionals, will find illuminating. 

Her book is an easy read, full of insight, honesty, compassion, and humor. But what makes it unusual in “caregiver lit” is that it helps us see people with advanced dementia not as “dementia patients” or as “shadows of their former selves,” but as persons with a full range of emotions and needs and the ability to share love. 

Shouse writes, “I would never have guessed that I could sit on the edge of a hospital bed with a noncommunicative woman and still feel the warmth of connection…She is not ‘herself’; she is not the mother I have known and the wife Dad loved. But despite all the loses, she is still someone well worth being around….When all the ordinary things are gone, the spirit can still remain.”

Shouse's writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Christian Science Monitor, Reader's Digest, Newsweek, Woman's Day, Hemispheres, Family Circle, Spirituality & Health, Chicago Tribune, and MS. She writes a weekly column on love stories for the Kansas City Star, and coauthored Working Woman's Communications Survival Guide, which is now in its fifth printing, and Antiquing for Dummies. She has written several memoirs and business books and has been featured in more than a dozen Chicken Soup books.

Learn more about Deborah Shouse and her book "Love in the Land of Dementia" here.