Driving and Early-stage Dementia: 5 Important Questions to Ask

Nine years ago, when my mother, Judy, was living with the early stages of dementia, I witnessed her getting lost on a familiar route in her small town. We were on our way to meet with her doctor of 25 years, and I was driving behind her because she was going to do some errands on her own afterwards. Not only did Mom drive around the block a couple of times looking for her doctor's office, when she pulled to the side of the road she drove the car into a ditch. I had to pull her out and call a tow truck.

Even though I knew Mom was worried about her memory, part of me denied that she really needed to stop driving. Denial about this issue can be very strong in many caregivers, and I was no exception.  In our case, Mom agreed to stop driving only because she was moving in with me and she knew she would never find her way around on the unfamiliar streets of my city. Many caregivers, however, find themselves in a prolonged battle with their loved ones around this issue.

In an article for caregivers.com today I offer

•  a road map of 5 questions that can help you decide whether or not your loved one should drop driving, and
• suggestions about how you can talk to them about it and include them in the decision, if possible, as your "care partner."  

Read more here:  "5 Crucial Signs that a Person Should Stop Driving"

My Favorite Blogs for Alzheimer's and Dementia Caregivers

I've finally added a page called "Recommended Blogs for Dementia Caregivers" to my website. It's an unusual list, I think, maybe with some you haven't heard about. Check it out here.

9 Warning Signs that a Person May Have Alzheimer's

At what point should a person be screened by a doctor for Alzheimer’s disease?  What are some of the warning signs that they may need help?

Alzheimer’s disease is the most common form of cognitive impairment, affecting 1 out of 8 people over age 65, and nearly 50% of people age 85 and older. The warning signs are easy to overlook or deny, however, and for the person to explain away. (Spouses and partners, for example, often do a great job “covering” for each other.) In my case, I denied my mother’s early signs of dementia for many years, thinking that she was just being quirky and stubborn. It was only when she finally gave her doctor permission to talk to me about his concerns that I realized how much she needed help.

If you suspect that something is wrong with a loved one’s thinking or functioning, but you’re not sure if you should trust your instinct, trust it. Every person progresses differently through dementia, but you are probably correct that your loved one needs to be evaluated.

Read more of my post this week on caregivers.com.

Moving Beyond "Parenting" our Parents: One Daughter's Story

My mother, Judy, and me early in our caregiving journeyIf you care for a parent who is living with Alzheimer’s disease or another dementia, it can feel as if you’ve switched roles—as if you are the parent and they are the child. There is some truth to this, but your parent remains an adult, and at some level the mother or father you knew. It’s important to treat them that way, even if  it seems that they are not the same person they used to be. And you may be surprised to find new ways to connect.

In 2005 I wrote in my journal:

“My mother may sound and act like an adult but is now, in essence, my third child. I would like her to function as an autonomous adult, but she can’t. She doesn’t want to be dependent on me, but she is.”

Mom had early-stage dementia, could no longer live alone, and had moved into my home with my young family, turning our world upside down.

Later that year, after Mom moved into assisted living, she said something to me one day that showed that she, too, believed that we had switched roles. It seemed to be a turning point for both of us.

Read more of this post on caregivers.com.

Frequently-Asked Questions about Dementia

When I speak to caregiver support groups and conferences about dementia and Alzheimer's disease, I find that these 5 questions are very common:

1. What is the difference between dementia and Alzheimer’s disease?
2. Is there a test to diagnose Alzheimer’s disease?
3. If there is no cure for Alzheimer's disease, is early diagnosis a good idea?
4. Is Alzheimer’s hereditary? and
5. Is there any way I can reduce my risk of developing dementia?

For National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month, I've written a blog post for caregivers.com that attempts to answer these questions. I believe that the more we educate ourselves about dementia, the less we will fear or avoid people with dementia, and the less we will fear developing dementia ourselves, even though the statistics are staggering.

Read more